


to grow wings; to wear a dress

by lonelyghosts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Trans Aradia Megido, Trans Kanaya Maryam, Trans Terezi Pyrope, Trans Vriska Serket, shes just baby with crush thats all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21948025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyghosts/pseuds/lonelyghosts
Summary: Vriska Serket wears a dress.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	to grow wings; to wear a dress

**Author's Note:**

> a christmas gift for vriska server! here is some transfemme vriska wearing dresses! i wrote this in half an hour while sleep deprived, so if it sucks, it sucks

The first dress she tries is ordered online.

She stumbles across it at three in the morning. The dress is utterly gorgeous, the color of the sea during a storm, edged with a blue as vibrant as her own sign. It falls in waves the way a true pirate's dress should- it cinches at the waist, the neckline draws a beautiful and dangerous V down the front, and the shoulders cut the air like knives. It's straight out of Mindfang's own journal, and the longing Vriska feels at the sight of it is undeniable. She orders it immediately, even pays extra for speedier shipping.

She tells herself it's for a cosplay; after all, she's adopted the Mindfang persona for FLARP, now, and you get extra points for being in-character. The fact that Terezi would love it, that it is beautiful, that the idea of wearing it herself makes a shiver go down her spine- well. Those are irrelevant. 

She tells Terezi about it, frankly raves about it to Kanaya, even hints about it to Tavros and Eridan. She builds it up in her mind till the dress is shining bright in her mind. She dreams of Terezi telling her she looks beautiful and wakes up blushing blue and full of soft warm happiness that not even Spidermom can take away. The anticipation thrums in her heart for the next three days, a constant background hum of excitement.

When she gets it in the mail she feels nothing short of awed.

The material is soft but firm under her hands; an extra layer of protection, as all Alternian clothes should have. When she holds it up, it seems to gleam darkly in the light. Not even her mother's voice in the back of her head can bring her down, she thinks.

Vriska puts it on slowly, far away from any mirrors, so that when she looks at herself for the first time she can get the full experience. She'll be beautiful, she thinks, and the idea seems to light a fire in her heart that warms her to the tips of her toes. 

Wearing it feels strange. She twirls, eyes closed, feels the material swish against her skin, and decides she likes it- twirls again, decides she loves it. Twirls a third time and decides she's never taking it off. Then she turns toward the mirror and looks at herself and-

The sight makes her want to cry. And not with joy.

She was supposed to look beautiful. Instead everything that she loved about it is turned against her- the V-neck shows how flat her chest is, the cinch of the waist only serves to show how few curves her body has, the upward cut of the shoulder guards make her already-broad shoulders look even broader. She looks like a boy in a dress.

The shame and hurt that well up in her heart and her throat and her mouth burn hot and consuming. She can't get it off fast enough.

Vriska Serket rips off the dress that was supposed to be perfect and sits in the corner alone, legs drawn up to her chest, face buried in her knees as she tells herself not to cry, because she should have expected this. She was dumb for not expecting this- of course she'd look awful in it. Of course she'd look like a boy. She's not Kanaya or Aradia and certainly not Terezi- it's easy for them. She doesn't get to be a beautiful girl.

When Kanaya and Terezi ask about it later, she tells them she never got it, that it must have been some scam out for a quick buck. It's a lame excuse, but they buy it- or maybe they can sense the hurt behind her words, the frustration and shame that sits in her chest, weighing her down.

It's just one more hurt to carry in the empty hollow cavity of her chest. She has so many at this point. What's one more. 

* * *

Sweeps later, she asks Kanaya to make her a dress.

She has tried over the years, with a fairy dress for Tavros, with various Sgrub alchemical concotions, but nothing has worked. Each has varied in their degree of failure, but they've all turned out the same- with her taking it off and never wearing it again.

But this time she asked Kanaya, made specifications that she thought might help, and anyways she has a date with Terezi that she wants to look good for. One of her flaws, in the end, is that she can't help but hope it will be different this time. 

The dress is so soft and airy light in her hands, the color of an iced over lake. She doesn't look in the mirror at first, because she can't look in the mirror without hating herself much these days. She dances around her room, enjoying the floaty twirl of the skirt and the swish against her legs despite herself. She puts on a tube of blue lipstick she was saving for a special occasion. 

She has to look in the mirror eventually, and she does. And it's... different. 

Maybe it's the stuff Kanaya did. The loose shapelessness of the dress hides the broadness of her shoulders, for one, and Roxy helped refer her to a doctor who gave her a prescription for estrogen, and Vriska has gathered tips online about how to make herself look more like the girl she wants to look like. She doesn't know which of the three is the reason she doesn't hate the girl in the mirror.

But there is a girl in the mirror, this time. A girl that Vriska could even call beautiful. 

Vriska stares at herself for a long time. Turns this way and that, looks at herself from every angle; and then she sits on the bed and begins to cry.


End file.
